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Accountants Jokes

Because we all need to have a laugh sometimes, here are jokes about Accountants! These are the ones we thought were funny, so please Contact us and let us know if there should be more!

Being left...
A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary."

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."

Accountants Job Opening...
There was a business owner who was interviewing people for a division manager position and he decided to select the person that could answer the simple question of: "How much is 2+2?"

The engineer pulled out his slide rule and shuffled it back and forth, and finally announced, "It lies between 3.98 and 4.02".
The mathematician said, "In two hours I can demonstrate it equals 4 with the following short proof."
The physicist declared, "It's in the magnitude of 1x10 1 ."
The logician paused for a long while and then said, "This problem is solvable."
The social worker said, "I don't know the answer, but I a glad that we discussed this important question.
The attorney stated, "In the case of Svenson vs. the State, 2+2 was declared to be 4."
The trader asked, "Are you buying or selling?"
The accountant looked at the business owner, then got out of his chair, went to see if anyone was listening at the door and pulled the drapes. Then he returned to the business owner, leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "What would you like it to be?"

Accountant Can't Sleep!
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

What is the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you did not know you had in a way you don't understand.

What is the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.

What does an accountant use for birth control?
His personality.

Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold a road map the wrong way.

How can you tell if your Accountant is nuts?
- In several places on your tax forms, he's written, "Give or take a million dollars."
- You notice that his "calculator" is just a broken VCR remote.
- He Insists that there is no such number as four.

First sign that you have hired a bad accountant...
- He makes you wear a hospital gown.

What did the terrorist who hijacked a plane full of accountants threaten to do if his demands weren't met?
Release one every hour.

How does an accountant make a bold fashion statement?
He wears his grey suit instead of the blue!

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